The abuse in my case was only physical a handful of times. So, when I hear like 'survivor'- no… I have only on a few occasions, like feared for my life or really, truly been like nervous or scared physically.  But there have been other threats to my career, my family, my friendships, my social life, reputation, et cetera. It's taken a lot of me just really trying to not gaslight my own self, like, how bad was it really?

I grieve the happiest times, every day.  I loved the life, the bigger picture life that we had. He still is like the person I love most. I see him in court and I still want to just like grab his hand. I'm leaving the city because of the grief.

I think I speak as somebody who overlooked a lot of red flags. I speak as somebody who just loved this person beyond what was probably appropriate.

I really hope that I'm speaking as somebody who's going to overcome this. 

I speak as somebody who really wants the world to understand what narcissistic abuse is, and how it's somewhat predictable and cyclical. 

And I also speak as somebody who really wants people to understand, in my experience anyway,  there is so much more damage done in the emotional, psychological forms abuse- of abuse than the physical.